Introverts-Extroverts

Understanding Introverts-Extroverts

People ‘extrovert’ or ‘introvert’ all the time. We do have preferences, but we’re all more flexible than the labels suggest. I’m a strong introvert, but I can often exhibit the ‘extrovert’ behaviours of talking too much and not listening to others because I’m excited and/or lost in my own thoughts. People have said I’m one of the loudest introverts they know. It’s all about behaviours. Behavioural cues are interesting, and researchable because they are tangible, but as someone who has studied the practice of this stuff for a long time, directing people toward cues and behaviours misses the point. If someone is indeed a strong extrovert, and tries to remember a list of behavioural cues like this cognitively, they’ll be trying so hard to ‘look good,’ they will miss the point, and it will come across as fake. They still won’t be listening or, just as important, caring. "IF THEY REALLY CARE, THEY WILL RELAX, SHIFT THEIR FOCUS, MAKE EYE CONTACT ETC., ETC., BUT THEY WILL DO IT NATURALLY." To really listen, and exhibit the kind of behaviours described, what they have to do is one thing: care about what the other person is saying, and try to find a connection. If they really care, they will relax, shift their focus, make eye contact etc., etc., but they will do it naturally, not as part of a script they have learned. They do have to get over their impulse, but so do we all. Behaviours come from what we care about. Care about the sound of our own voice (E or I) and we don’t listen. Care about the other person too, and things shift radically.”

Source
HBS - 2022